Say I'm Yours Page 9

  “You’re so beautiful,” he says as he kisses my neck. “You’re perfect. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us.”

  I don’t want his sweet words. I don’t want to delude myself into thinking this is anything other than sex. This isn’t a reunion, it’s a finale. “Stop talking,” I urge. “Just give me action.”

  And he does. Trent’s finger continues to pump in and out while his mouth latches onto my breast. He sucks and circles my nipple as I writhe beneath him.

  It feels so incredible. He knows exactly what I like, and he makes damn sure I remember it as he brings me to ecstasy. I climb, and the pressure builds as he starts to rub my clit.

  His eyes lock on mine and I detonate.

  I cry out his name as he continues to milk pleasure from my body.

  As I lie here recovering, I watch him strip out of his pants. “Tell me you want me,” he commands.

  My heart wants me to say the words he’s asking me to say, but my head knows better.

  “I need this.”

  He climbs on top of me, dropping his mouth back to mine. We kiss, and all the reasons I was telling myself about why I shouldn’t do this . . . disappear. Sure, I will be hurt, but I don’t give a shit.

  Trent rubs his cock against my core, which is both a tease and a promise. “Trent.” I breathe his name.

  “Look at me,” his voice is hard and demanding.

  When I do, I begin to tremble. Seeing the emotion in his eyes causes the world around me to fade. All I see is Trent. All I feel is him. All that exists is us.

  “You can’t tell me you don’t feel this, sweetheart. I know you do.”

  His blue eyes stare into mine as he enters me. I don’t know if it’s the last few weeks of being alone or if it’s because I’ve ached for him, but tears form the second he’s buried to the hilt.

  I’m overcome with so many conflicting emotions.

  I hate myself for being weak.

  I love that he’s here.

  I hate him for making me love him.

  I love how well we fit together.

  I want to slap him for causing me pain.

  More than anything, I want to cry.

  Tears stream down my face as he starts to move. Trent doesn’t say a word. He wipes them away as they continue to fall. I feel everything pass between us. There’s no denying the intensity of this moment.

  Trent makes love to me while my heart splinters into a thousand tiny shards. Each thrust cuts me a little deeper. I feel all that he wants me to, but most of all, I feel fear. Fear that I won’t be able to keep him at arm’s length anymore, that the excuse of loneliness will become much more. If I give him this once again, history will repeat itself. Our track record isn’t the best, and he’s still yet to say the words to me.

  “Gracie.” He forces me to open my eyes again. “I’m close.”

  His hand finds my clit again and he starts to rub circles. My body, in all its turmoil, starts to respond. He kisses me, touches me, and I let myself free of everything. I grip his shoulders, digging my nails in as my toes start to curl. “God! Yes! Trent!” I yell as white-hot pleasure tears through me.

  His orgasm follows shortly after, leaving us both slick with sweat and breathing heavy. As the pulses of pleasure fade, spikes of panic take their place. Unaware of the war that’s waging inside me, Trent shifts his weight and gives me enough room to scoot off the bed. I need space, a door between Trent and me, so I close myself in my bathroom and flip the lock. My heart firing a hail of pain and regret and longing and love.

  I stare at myself in the mirror and fight back the tears. What the hell did I just do? How could I sleep with him? I was over him. I was working on it at least, and then I give in? There’s seriously something wrong with me. We’ll never stop making the same mistakes.

  My hands grip the counter, and my head falls. I truly don’t know how we went from yelling at each other, his circumventing telling me how he feels, to us having sex.

  I’m a stupid idiot.

  A weak, stupid idiot.

  I slap the counter and sink to the floor.

  Well, now what? I can’t go back out there. I can’t face him because clearly I have no rational thinking when it comes to him.

  “Grace?” Trent knocks on the door. “You all right?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” My voice is shaky, and there’s no way he’ll fall for it.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks softly from the other side of the door.

  Oh, just lost my dignity and sanity. Nothing new.

  “Please go. I’m not feeling so good.” I try for the only excuse I have: hangover. “I don’t think the wine is agreeing with me.”

  Trent doesn’t say anything and hope blooms that maybe he’ll believe me. “You were fine a minute ago.”

  “I’m feelin’ a bit nauseous.” And I can’t look you in the eye.

  Trent clears his throat and tries to open the door. “I have to meet my father and brothers for that fishing trip, I don’t want to leave you if you’re sick. Plus, I think we should talk about what happened.”

  I put my robe on and tie it tightly around me. He isn’t going to leave if I don’t face him. Plus, I doubt I’m getting away with anything here. He knows me well enough to tell when I’m lying.

  I open the door to see him standing there fully dressed. “Hi,” I say sheepishly.

  “You okay?”

  “I drank a lot last night.”

  His eyes narrow the slightest bit. “Right.” The hurt flashes across his face, but he recovers quickly. If I didn’t know him so well, I would’ve missed it.

  I need to get out of this room. Instead of staying here, looking at the crime scene, I head out to the living room.

  Trent grasps my arm when I try to move farther away. “Where are you goin’? And don’t tell me you not being able to look me in the eye has nothing to do with what just happened.”

  I close my eyes and muster all the strength I have. There’s no going back, I made my choice, and now I have to face it. My chest tightens as all my emotions from the last hour bubble up.

  His hand drops and I turn to look at him. “This never should’ve happened. Nothing is different. Nothing has changed. You still can’t give me what I want, and I clearly can’t walk away from you.”

  “Have you heard nothing I’ve said over the last few weeks?” Trent bellows. “Are you fucking kiddin’ me?” My head pounds as he gets louder. “You think nothing has changed? God dammit, Grace!”

  I shake my head and take a step back. “Stop yelling at me!”

  He moves closer. “So what was that?” He points to the bedroom. “Was that just some slip up?”

  “I told you! I told you I was done! This is what we do!” Instead of moving away from him, I get closer. My anger takes hold as I let it all out. “I tell you it’s over, and you find a way to break me down. You push me and manipulate me into believing it’ll be different each and every time. I love you! I love you so much it hurts, and you keep breaking me! You don’t love me. You don’t know what that even means!”

  “The fuck I don’t!” Trent is in my face in an instant, his hands grip my arms, and he pulls me forward. “This isn’t the same as before. This is me tellin’ you I’m changin’. For you, I’m tryin’ to be the man you want.”

  I shake my head, trying to stay strong, because I don’t believe him. I tear my arms out of his grasp and take a step back. “I need you to leave.”

  “No.”

  “Please, I need to think. I need to not be hungover when we have this conversation.”

  “I need to know what I did that was so bad that you’re willing to push me away. What did I do that is so fucking awful that you decide to punish me by dating Cooper?”

  I stop moving and the blood drains from my face. He thinks I’m purposely trying to hurt him? That’s the last thing I would ever do. All I want is for the two of us to find some semblance of happiness.

  “I’m not punishing you. None of this is abo
ut you. It’s about me and tryin’ to find someone who will love me, Trent. Don’t you get it? Don’t you see that I’m dyin’ inside because you won’t love me?” I move so we’re standing face to face. Tears fill my eyes as I pour my heart and soul out to him. “I miss you every single day. Each day I wake up, roll over, and you’re not there. It hurts me so much more than you’ll ever know.” A tear falls from my face. “But the thing is, I’ve been missing you for a long time. I’ve been alone even when you were here. You build this wall and shut me out. I wish I could pinpoint when it happened. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t do it anymore.”

  Trent’s hand ascends and touches my cheek. “I can tell you exactly when it happened. It was the day the deputy the next town over was shot. I responded to that call, and all I saw was us. Nick was only thirty years old. He had a wife and a child. He had a whole life in front of him one second, and it was gone the next. When I closed my eyes, it was you crying over that casket.”

  I think back to how upset he was about it. Nick was his friend, I could tell it was affecting him, but he refused to talk about it. Trent grew distant during the statewide manhunt for the shooter. I assumed it was because of the hours he was spending on the case, not that he saw himself in Nick. If I had known, I could’ve at least been there to reassure him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You could’ve talked to me.”

  Trent sighs and grips his neck. “Because you’d want to talk. You’d make me think I was being crazy, but that could’ve been me, Grace!” Trent pounds his chest. “I could’ve been the guy in the ground and not him!”

  I hate that it’s been years that he’s been struggling with this. I should’ve known, but I was so focused on helping Nick’s widow Penelope that I didn’t think it was hurting Trent.

  I take a step closer. “That’s the risk I knew I was taking when I fell in love with you. I held Penelope’s hand. I saw what it did to her, but she said she wouldn’t take back all the love they shared. I wanted that with you.”

  Trent touches my cheek before his hand drops. “If you give me another chance, it’ll be different this time. I’ll be different.”

  I wipe my face and try to hold on to my fading resolution. He gave me a glimpse inside himself, a tiny sliver of what I’ve been begging him to give me. It would have been enough a month ago. I would have fallen back into his arms and forgiven him. Now, though, I’m not sure a glimpse is enough—if it’s only one more scrap. There are too many times I’ve gone back. Too many times I’ve taken his apology at face value. “I’ve heard this line before.”

  He steps closer, but I lift my hand. “Gracie.”

  “No. No you don’t get to do this to me again. You can’t promise me things that will never happen.”

  “I love you, Grace. I’ve always loved you. I love you, and I promise it’ll be different. I need you, sweetheart.”

  Those words.

  Those three words that I’ve waited forever to hear.

  Another scrap.

  My body starts to shake and a strangled sob breaks from my chest. Trent’s arms wrap around me, and I fall apart. I’ve had plenty of people tell me he loves me. I think in some convoluted way he believes he’s told me, but hearing it come from his mouth is too much.

  So long I’ve hoped that he did love me. But love isn’t a weapon to be wielded at another. Love doesn’t wound the other person, and right now, I’m in pain.

  I need to breathe and think.

  I need some space to sort myself out.

  Slowly, I get myself under control. I lean back and wipe my eyes. I look into his blue eyes and shake my head. This is everything I wanted, and yet, I would give anything for him to take it back.

  Trent must sense what I’m feeling, and he starts to speak quickly. “I’m telling you what I should’ve said a long time ago. I’ve hurt you so much, and I will never forgive myself.”

  He has hurt me, and he’s doing it now without meaning to.

  “Please, stop,” I plead. “Please give me some time.”

  “I want to make it up to you. I think we should—”

  “Dammit, Trent!” I push against his chest and step back. “I can’t do this today. I’ve had a really confusing night and then all of this before noon, and I need some time alone. I’ve waited so long to hear those words, and I can’t process this right now.”

  Trent takes two strides and lifts my chin to look at him. “Are you going to give me a chance to prove it? Doesn’t it change anything?”

  “You’re not going to pressure me into this. I won’t let you.”

  “And I won’t watch you with another man. I can’t even think about him touching you like I just did.”

  Then, I understand why he finally gave me the one thing I’ve wanted for so long. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want things to change between us. He only cares that I’m not with Cooper. I look at him with hurt and frustration.

  “For you to say that to me—”

  Knock, knock, knock.

  My eyes snap to the door, and Trent stares at me.

  “Expectin’ someone?” he asks.

  “No.”

  “Grace!” Cooper’s deep voice calls from the other side.

  “Well.” Trent grins. “I guess you should answer that.”

  Chapter 9

  T here’s no way this is going to be good. Not one single scenario I’ve run through will yield a positive outcome, so I’m going to suck it up. I can’t change it, might as well face it. I throw on clothes and walk back out to the hall where Trent is leaning against the wall.

  “If you want to finish this conversation, you won’t be a jerk,” I warn as I walk by him, but he just watches me. When I open the door, Cooper stands there wearing a pair of jeans and worn T-shirt.

  “Hey.” Cooper smiles.

  “Hi,” I say as regret floods through me. I hate myself for this. I know he’ll play it cool, but I ended our date and then slept with my ex-boyfriend. I’m a horrible bitch. I deserve to die a lonely cow. “Listen, Coop,” I say as I put my hand on his arm and push us both outside. “Trent is here.”

  I close the door so Trent won’t hear my conversation with Cooper. It’s bad enough they’re both here. The least I can do is try to make this less uncomfortable.

  Cooper nods. “I saw his car.”

  Right. Okay, and he still stopped by? I’m so confused, and the alcohol fog mixed with regret isn’t helping.

  Cooper steps forward and puts his hand to my cheek. “You don’t look so good, you feelin’ okay? Are you sick?”

  Does mentally unstable fall under that category? If so, I’m most definitely sick.

  “No, I’m not feelin’ okay.”

  “I can get you some medicine if you need it.”

  Why does he have to be so sweet? Why can’t he call me a slut or worse and tell me he hates me? It would be no less than I deserve. I slept with Trent, and now he’s here because he’s a good guy. Not because he wants to take advantage of me, but because he cares.

  What is wrong with me?

  I shake my head and drop my arm. I hate myself right now. I’m so confused, and I don’t know what is real anymore. In this moment, I don’t trust myself at all.

  All I know is that Cooper doesn’t deserve this. And I don’t deserve him or his friendship.

  “I’m not sick—not in the physical way, at least. And you’re so sweet to offer to take care of me. I’m . . .” I pause, trying to think of the right words to say, “I’m . . . I’m so sorry, Coop.” I touch his arm and pray he hears the sincerity in my voice. “I’m awful. I’m so awful and I’m so sorry. I swear, I never meant for any of this to happen. I hate myself right now.”

  “Grace.” Cooper lets out a heavy sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t like it, but I’m not your boyfriend. You don’t owe me an explanation. I basically had to twist your arm to get you to go on a date with me. It really wouldn’t b
e fair of me to give you shit about somethin’ I have no right to be upset about. It just means I’m going to have to step up my game so you call me the next time you need someone.”

  I stand completely immobilized by his words.

  Did he seriously say that? Any of it? I would be ripping some girl’s hair out if the roles were reversed.

  The door opens behind me and Trent walks out. “Good morning, Cooper.”

  “Trent,” Cooper replies and then blows a long breath from his nose, seemingly in an attempt to keep calm.

  “Have a good night, Coop? I sure did.”

  I’m going to kill him.

  Cooper shifts his body weight forward, and I intervene. “What time is your fishing thing today? Don’t you need to be going?”

  “Would you give us minute? We were in the middle of talkin’, and I’d like to finish.” Trent says to Cooper.

  I truly don’t know what is happening. There’s no way this is my life—but it is.

  I turn to Cooper and touch his arm. “If you want to wait for me inside, I won’t be long.”

  Trent huffs. “Or you can leave.”

  He’s freaking dead. Gone. Dead. Killed. I don’t feel bad about having to explain to his mama why I killed him either.

  Cooper moves around behind me, his hand touches the small of my back, and Trent’s eyes don’t miss it. “I’ll wait.” Cooper kisses my cheek before entering the house.

  My stomach drops as I watch Trent’s face morph from smug to hurt, but he doesn’t give me a second to think. “So, you’re going to talk to him? After everything that I said?”

  “I’m not doin’ this now.”

  “If you don’t tell me to stay right now, you’re making your choice.”

  “Don’t threaten me.” I glare at him. “I need time. I think you can give me that.”

  Trent shakes his head. “Time is the only thing we’ve ever had, and we’ve wasted enough of it. I need to know if you love me. I need to know if everything we had is gone. I need to know if you’re going to go back in there with him or if you’re going to choose me.”